Escape

Where are you? I’m
trying to imagine it
from in here. Way in
here. Deep down
in a spot above
my stomach,
beneath my heart

that’s a still silent
vacuum of a place.
A deep hole in a crater
field at night on a planet
with no atmosphere
and so much gravity.

I can’t even see you
Or hear you. I’m
surprised when you
can hear me or
see me at all. And yet
all I want is to put you
in me. And to put food
in me. Air in me. Breathe,

Breathe, breathe, breathe,
Prayer in me. Beer in me.
Fingernails, calm thoughts,
and cigarette smoke in me.
Laughter in me.  Warmth
all over me.

Skin all over me.
Alive, alive, alive
like me. Like me!
Your heartbeat
in through my ribcage.
Your breath in through
my ear. Through my
mouth. I think…I think…

I work, work, work
on a laptop all day,
all day, all day clicking
my thoughts away
take a deep breath
look away, wiggle
fingers, shake legs
and try not to put
one more cup of
coffee in me, work,

work, work, to
distract and detain
me, buy some time
not spent trying to
put something

in me, and money

that I’ll use…

dropping more anything
in me down the hole
like a laundry chute in
me to see if it all piles
up and I can climb out

of the top, in my spacesuit,
and find you, an alien,

somehow breathing
on a planet with no
atmosphere, and so
much gravity holding
your yourself up against
the pull.